This story is from July 19, 2009

Can't think straight

Sreemoyee Piu Kundu / Jul 19, 2009, 00:00 IST

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As the homosexual community celebrates the historic revision of Section 377, lesbians still confess to being marginalised. We explore why it’s tougher for women to ‘come out’...

As the homosexual community celebrates the historic revision of Section 377, lesbians still confess to being marginalised. We explore why it��s tougher for women to ��come out��...
Twenty-nine-year-old, self-professed lesbian Reva recalls, ��I always fantasised about girls. I had short hair and wore trousers. In class nine, a boy forcibly tried having sex with me in the loo.He kept saying,
��You love being a boy... I��ll show you what boys do.�� My first lover was my best friend Savita. One afternoon, my dad caught us making out. He called me a whore, locked me up and beat me.
At 17, I was married off, against my will. I wore a wig and lots of make-up. It was like play acting... a role I��ve not stopped playing.��

Married with a six-year-old son, Reva continues living a ��life of lies��. So, what makes her camouflage her sexual identity at a time when Indian queers are regaling in the reading down of Section 377? ��Can a single law change our society overnight? I��m a woman first and have to daily wage two battles �� one for my sex and the other for my sexuality,�� she grimly states.
It��s perhaps the invisibility between these two worlds that forms the twilight zone inhabited by a large number of lesbian women in India. It��s not surprising then, that as compared to their gay counterparts, most lesbian women continue to dwell in the shadows.

Leading gay rights activist Gautam Bhan says, ��Sexuality is a much more difficult struggle for women in India �� not just lesbians.
The same patriarchal constraints that control and limit women��s sexuality apply to lesbians. Also, men have more mobility and economic freedom.
They can afford to be more open about their sexuality, they have more spaces to meet other men, whereas women don��t, and they can resist family pressure for marriage.�� Activist Leslie Esteves agrees, ��Women��s exuality in India is invisible largely. It��s part of our culture that men possess sexual desires, women don��t.��
Sociologist Shiv Vishwanathan attributes the suppression of female sexuality to the ��bourgeoisie nationalistic imagination and subsequent colonisation that established lesbianism as a potent threat to patriarchy��.
In an essentially maledominated terrain, lesbian women deal with gruesome domestic violence. Maya Shankar, programme manager of Delhi-based support group Sangini claims, ��There are cases where women are raped by their husbands and brothers in a desperate bid to ��cure�� them.�� Others like 33-year-old Mahi are pressurised into marriage, hoping that it��ll ��cure�� them. Mahi says, ��My husband often complained after we had sex, ��Mahi, you never face me.�� I used to weep. In time, I found a younger lover. She was engaged and for a while we met secretly. One day, I walked out. I wanted to start a life with my friend. I even booked her air tickets and went to get her. But, she backed out. My husband now wants me back, but I��ll live on my own, on my own terms.��
Being trapped in a dual life contributes to a high rate of lesbian suicides. Between 1996 and 2004, there were 24 documented cases of lesbian suicide pacts in Kerala alone. Leslie adds, ��There��s an image of lesbianism being the preserve of rich, bored housewives! But, sexuality isn��t a product of geography or your background.
These are natural desires.�� The lack of expression makes this community a mute spectator. AJ Hariharan, founder secretary of the Indian Community Welfare Organisation that started the country��s first lesbian helpline in Chennai says, ��We get nearly 100 calls per day from places as far flung as Kanyakumari to Finland.��
US-based undergrad student, Priyanka Mitra, into a three-year-old relationship with her partner Lisa Hahn admits, ��All sexual minorities face obstacles, even in the US. We don��t have equal rights of marriage and employment discrimination, and face harassment in public.��
Popular culture also doles out a second hand treatment. While films like Dostana find a meaty urban junta, offbeat films like When Kiran Met Karan or I Can��t Think Straight go amiss. In the dark room of female desire,
emotional risks loom higher. Dr Charles Gilks of UNAIDS claims, ��As compared to gay men and transgender persons, lesbians are a low risk category, unless their partner is HIV infected.��
Perhaps, that��s why international funding eludes the marginalised community. As fear is replaced by faith, 35-year-old lesbian Romana concludes, ��At gay nights, it��s still mostly guys, but at least
now we have the b**** to step out.��
(Some names have been changed to protect identities)

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